Dancing With the Stars

Whole new season and even more "stars" than we've had in the past. I say "stars" because if you've seen this show, you know its never really A or B list. I seem to usually know or like plenty so what does that say about me type of entertainment? OK first show and already doing 2 dances? No wonder there are so many injuries. Holy crap...a 3 night extravaganza? Really? So its men tonight, women tomorrow and then Wednesday is the results show with a dedication to the recently passed Patrick Swayze.

1st of the night is Aaron Carter. He's a boy bander without being in a boy band. He apparently had his first hit at the age of 8 and is a total flirt with his partner Karina. He has some trouble focusing but he seems to get it together at the end.

Cha Cha - I actually loved it as far as first dances go. Karina is in her fringe pants that kinda drive me crazy but in a good way. I think they brought in some great energy and I enjoyed to watch it. There were some technical difficulties ofcourse but it is the first. Oh crap! Phew...he almost dropped her in the end but its ok.

Bruno tells Aaron he needs to simmer down on his enthusiasm and makes things smoother but Tom points out that is the pot calling the kettle black- so true. Len says he did well and he shows a lot of potential. Carrie Ann says he is all grown up and that he did really well. Judges scores - 7, 8, 7 - surprisingly Len gave the higher score. So 22 for the first dance. Good for Aaron.

2nd up is Anna with the UFC guy Chuck. He is massive and really scary. He has a kickboing background and now he has to learn the fox trot with this tiny little thing. She says he has to smile or else he'll scare everyone. He's really struggling and admits that. OK here they go...I think this is going to be one of those where the dancer dances around their partner...ok maybe not. Guess that isn't an option in a fox trot.

Well he really tried. He's much better than some I've seen but it was still slightly painful. He did smile and the crowd is very supportive. You can really feel the nerves coming off him. Bruno says it was very rough and totally kicks his ass then gets booed. Carrie Ann says he isn't graceful but is smoothe and charming and just needs to work on his footwork. Len says it was much better than he thought it would be but it's still too aggressive. His advice is for the UFC champ to get in touch with his feminine side...right...Scores are 6, 5, and 5- no shocker there.

Next up is Mark Iron Chef Decascos. He is partnered with one of my faves- Lacey. She wants to showcase his martial arts talent and they are dancing to Kung Fu Fighting lol. Love it already. Cha cha cha time. Eh...you know he really isn't that graceful. He looks so comfortable tho which is slightly throwing me off. Oh I see it...hes not that great when dancing but when posing hes ok. Lacey is a sexy beast tho.

Carrie says she sees a lot of potential but his arms are too karateish and Len isn't happy about the gimmick. He doesn't want Kung Fu in the waltz (umm it was a cha cha Len..duh...) but he warns about not continuing the gimmicks. Bruno tells him to watch his feet and he expected this explosion of a dancer but didn't get it. Friendly reminder- its the 1st dance people. Judges scores - 7, 7, 7 - not bad at all for all the criticism. And mark said Lacey tells him to show off his manboobs...moving on.

Who the hell is Ashley Hamilton? He's a cutie. Oh man he's bad...like really bad. Foxtrot is up. Edyta is gorgeous...I hate her. It's official. Wow. Not as bad as expected but hes very stiff. OK now it's getting bad with the side sweeping. Edyta just lost an earring. And its over. Lots of twirls but it was mainly Edyta doing all the work. I see a 6 being their highest score.

Len said overall it was mucky but he had all the right steps. Bruno said it was pretty dead. Ashley's mom and dad are in the audience and not happy with Bruno's comments. Carrie Ann said he needs to do soemthing that will define him. After just seeing them dance, all I can say is good luck. Oh ****...5,6, 4 are the scores. A 4 is too low. I mean it sucked but come on.

And now we have Donny Osmond. He is dancing with Kim- another favorite. First dance is the fox trot. He's kinda cute in the way that he doesnt like intimate holds. He's a showman so i have high hopes and wow...he is already kicking ass. I'm loving it. If the band was a good band I'd love it more. He even added some facial expressions. Aww Marie is there...and was that Tito or Jermaine? I can't tell the Jacksons apart.

Bruno says Donny knows how to play an audience. Full on theatrical but really needs to work on his shoulders which Donny knows he has a problem with. Carrie Ann agrees and knows Donny will be a fan favorite. She's asking for better holds. Len said what he did, he did very well but wants less theatre and more ballroom. Scores are - 7,6,7 which I think are too low. Donny said he was having too good of a time and just didn't pay attention to certain things.

Louie Vito- pro snowboarder- and Chelsea are up next. He looks so young and admits he's never even see the show. She tells him to not think snowboarder but to think Prince. Oh god this looks painful already. He seems sweet so fingers crossed. He has this smile painfully pasted on his face. His dancing isn't much better. There are some good runs and it picks up in the middle. Chelsea looks great and he looks like he's really trying. By the end I think he has a better handle on himself so good for him.

Carrie Ann says he's a little surprise and that he went for an honest and respectful effort. Len is complaining about the hair. Judge the dance Len...but yeah get a haircut. He says the technique was good and there is tons of potential. Bruno calls him a dancing hobbitt...but a cute one so its ok. Bruno says he has the potential to be good and right now hes just cute. Scores are 6, 7, 6. Len seems to be getting nicer in his old age.

Next up is Mike, a superbowl champ, with Ana who won the dance competition last season. This guy is cracking me up. He just wants to beat Jerry Rice so he needs better than a 21 with his cha cha. Oooo getting a little hip action right away. Not bad. He's having fun with it for sure. He's not as exciting as I would like but he's getting the steps and enjoying it. That gets atleast one extra point from me.

Len says it wasn't a great first dance and he has to get slicker. He also tells Ana there should have been more content. Bruno says the footwork and timing were out but so was the content and that's Ana's fault. Carrie Ann tells Ana directly that there was a lack of content and he needs to be pushed more. Ana looks miserable. They remind them both it is only week one. Scores are 5, 4, and 4. Totally wrong. That's really mean, judges, and he deserved better. Awww Mike is so sweet. He's complimenting Ana and saying hes a champ in his own mind. Tom tells the judges he's not leaving with them.

House Majority Leader up next with Cheryl. Cheryl is looking lovely. She already looks scared. Tom is very conservative so this is going to be difficult. Ugh this is already painful. Really Cheryl? Wild thing? He just winked at Bruno lol. OK its not as painful as I imagined. Just awkward. Not much cha cha really. Wonder if they are going to say anything about the lack of content.

Bruno says hes crazier than Sarah Palin. Carrie Ann calls it surreal and then says it was nice ans surprised he is light on his feet. He's rocking it for the older crowd. Len says it was magic and tragic. No mention of the lack of content really. Scores are 6, 5 and 5 which i think are fair but the crowd is booing.

OOOO now its a group dance or relay dance. First group is salsa and its Donny, UFC guy, Ashley. and the Snowboarder. Ashley is up first and its painful. They guy just can't dance. Edyta is great as always. Here's UFC guy and hes actually doing better than I thought he would. Where did he come from ? OK now Donny and hes working the crowd again. Hes doing great to be honest. Woh...snowboarder flipped onto the floor. Chealsea looks great in red. Some body waves going on and it's not bad but not as fluid as Donny.

Carrie Ann says Donny smoked the crowd. Len basically says Ashley sucked and Bruno says Donny killed it. The other 3 guys are just kinda hanging out. No one said anything about Louis. Weird or good? Apparently good. Points are award to each and here is the order:
4th place goes to Ashley
3rd Chuck (UFC)
2nd Louis
1st Donny

Vienese Waltz is next up for a relay. I love this dance usually so we'll see what happens. Aaron and Karina are really trying for something exciting. He keeps getting dizzy and falling. Mike is trying to tell Ana its harder than she thinks which is funny to tell a pro dancer. Delay and Mark do the usual struggle.

Karina up first and it looks pretty quick which is weird. I dont like it. It's too fast. Now Lacey and Mark and they slow it down. It's awful tho. Lots of extra steps. Mark is losing it. Cheryl is up and it looks like a father daughter dance which is the angle she was trying to play up. Two time champ people. She knows her work. Mike now and hes smiley as ever. Ugh he lifted his partner which is a no no in this show. They actually looked ok but Carrie Ann is going to call them on that.

Len tells Tom he was a bit skippy and Mark did well (?). Bruno says Aaron really worked the floor and Mark had great arms. He tells Mike this is much better. Carrie Ann tells them the same and tells Aaron he did well, Mark should slow down and Tom looked elegant. Judges scores are:
4th - Tom and Cheryl
3rd - Mike and Ana
2nd - Mark and Lacey
1st - Aaron and Karina

I have to say Samantha really sucks in asking questions. Not bad for night one.

I have no idea if it was worth doing that all but I was watching anyway so it's all good. Hopefully someone finds it entertaining.

Tonight we get to see the women dance but before that gets started we get to enjoy real dancers. The female pros come out very sparkly and feathery and do their thing. It was ok...I think I just prefer to see them do partner work.

Debbie Mazar and Maks are up first. I'm on the fence about her. I think she's somewhat annoying but maybe that's her gimmick? Maks tells her constantly she needs to be quite which is funny. He seems to have that type of partner a lot. I hope he sticks around longer this time.

They dance the salsa and while they do well, Debbie seems fairly unsure of herself. I can understand that. First dance of the night and her first of the season. Len says she is full of potential but needs to swing those hips and be less flat footed. Carrie Ann tells her to be more sassy and pull from her characters. Bruno echos Len and says it was a difficult routine which I agree with. I think it was a little ambitious of Maks really. Judges scores - 6, 5, 5 which I think is too low. I think she atleast deserved a 20.

Next up is Clarissa Explains it All's Melissa Joan Hart. The package shows her havnig really bad posture. She looks like she dances heavy and since her first dance is the waltz, I think it could be a tough one. Mark gets under my nerves too. Not sure what that's about.

Ugh...another lying on the stairs waiting to find my love routine. They were sweet but sometimes it's just too unbelievable and I don't care for it. She's actually doing better than I imagined but she does seem heavy and she keeps slouching and that may be why her turns look off.

Bruno asks her if she's nervous and then laughs a la Dracula for a bit which is just creepy. Bruno and CArrie Ann both point out she needs to work on her posture and be more at ease. Len tells her to work on her feet more and that he didn't like the start. Good. Me neither.

Mya and Dmitry follow and I'm happy he has a quality partner this time. I'm a fan from his days on SYTYD (which is on tonight). She seems really sweet surprisingly. I expected more of a diva.

They are dancing to Vision of Love and the band really sucks. Wow! This dance is really lovely. She has these beautiful extensions and the turns are near flawless. She has a lovely smile and they make a great pair. I expect great remarks. I have to say though it didn't feel very waltzy. Dmitry may still be stuck on SYTYCD mode like Lacey was her first year with DWTS.

Carrie Ann says they were truly a vision and Mya set the bar. Len goes at them and attacks Dmitry for not putting enough waltz in it and for making it almost too contemporary. He says he understands it was the American Smooth version but that Dmitry let his partner down by not choreographing the dance correctly. Bruno yells over Len and then says he loved it. Judges scores are 8, 5, 8 which I think is unfair of Len. It's not her fault the choreography wasn't there.

Kathy Ireland and Tony are up now and Kathy surprisingly has absolutely no rhythem. I mean none. She has trouble hearing the beat which is going to be really bad...really bad.

She's doing ok when they are dancing together in hold but apart she is just so stiff. She looks amazing but there is no hip action at all. Poor Tony has to dance around her and overdance to kinda hide her. Len says she lacked energy but has potential. Bruno tells her to put more sex into it and Carria tells her to loosen up. Scores are 6, 5, and 5.

Olympian Natalie is paired with Alex and I'm excited because I think Alex is a great dancer and teacher and has not been able to showcase his talents enough since season 1. They have the salsa and she looks great. She's moving her hips and she has great arms. Oops...she keeps losing her center and falling out of the turns. Alex needs to get a better hold of her.

Bruno points out how she keeps freezing but she should do well in the competition. Carrie Ann tells her to work on her musicality and Len says this salsa was just not sexy or steamy. I think it was a cute dance but ok fine...maybe he's right. I still liked it though. Scores are 7, 6, 6 which I think may be a point or 2 low.

Macy Gray and Jonathon...I don't even know where to begin. I think she is going to be a trainwreck and I'm already calling her as first to go home. Poor Jonathon always gets the bad ones. She toured durin the whole time they were supposed to practice and it shows in her dancing. She is basically just walking around and Jon has to dance around and push or pull her everywhere. This is bad. She dances the whole time with her mouth open and it looks really odd.

Carrie Ann basically says nothing of the technique because it wasn't even there. She just sits there and says it was "fasciating." Len liked her vulnerability and charm and Bruno thinks shes like a sweet confused child. Way to critique judges. Scores are 6, 4, 5 which I think is fair.

Derek is pairs with Joanna- the sexiest swimsuit model in the world- that's really her actual title. Derek flirty and they seem to have fun in practice. I'm loving their salsa. It's fun, flirty, energetic and they look good together. I did notice they didn't move much so I'm wondering what went on there since Derek normally is all over the place. I still liked it.

Len is happy they finally got a sexy salsa. Carrie Ann thinks it was hot. Bruno pervs on her and keeps looking like he's about to lick her. He's having a creepy sort of night. Scores are 8, 8, and 8.

Last couple is Kelly Osbourne and Louis. I love her but she doesn't seem like she can really dance. They walk towards each other slowly and I have to say she looks like shes in her 50s. WTF costume team? The hair looks great tho. Wow...Kelly can dance people! She is actually graceful and her extensions are lovely. Louis is a certified amazin teacher. Awww Sharon is crying and if Ozzy could I'm sure he would be too. They look so proud. They really should be. Kelly was lovely.

Bruno can't believe rock's "Wild Child" has become a princess and Carrie Ann calls them on the lift which Kelly says she is so sorry for and that she really tried to keep her foot down. Len says it was the best waltz of the night which really isn't saying much and yet says a lot. Scores are 7, 8, and 8. I think that is well deserved since she would have tied Joanna if she hadn't lifted her tiny foot.

Relay time! I'm actually liking this. The first group is Natalie, Kathy, Joanne, and Debi with their partners, doing the foxtrot. Natalie goes first and looks fierce as in she is kicking this dance's ass. The grace and poise needed really suits her. Kathy is stiff yet again but shows some elegance atleast. Joanna is lovely and sexy but I liked her first dance more. Debi is ok but she's still too much in her head and doesn't move as lightly as she should.

Carrie Ann says Natlie and Joanne were lovely, Kathy needs to watch her footwork and Debi still needs to loosen up. Len loves the movements of both Natalie and Joanna, especially Joanna's, Kathy needs to move more and he commend's Debi for dancing in hold more than out of since that is harder to do. Good job Maks. Bruno loves Natalie's fluidity, Kathy's elegance, Joanna's sexiness and Debi's performance. While he's talking, Maks messes up Derek's carefully placed hair. The judges' rank from bottom to top: Kathy, Debi, Natalie and Joanna. I personally would reverse Natalie and Joanna but that's just me. Natalie looks peeved.

So now it's time for the other group: Macy, Melissa, Mya and Kelly, with their partners, doing the cha cha cha. First out is Macy and she is hilarious. She still looks like a little kid. She doesn't bend her knees at all. She just kind of shuffles her feet along the floor and doesn't pick them up. She reminds me of a huge football player but with less grace. Melissa comes out second, and she's got a little more hip action but she seems to be a bit behind the beat. I'm really just not a fan of hers. Mya comes out third, and she has surprisingly little hip action, but tons of sass. Kelly comes out last to huge cheers from the audience. Her footwork and arms are great, but she needs to watch her posture. She has a small flub during the end and cracks up about it. She's just so charming; I hope her energy and attitude don't leave after the first week. So my ranking bottom to top would be: Macy, Melissa, Mya and Kelly.

Len goes first, and tells Macy that she didn't rehearse enough, and says that Melissa improved, Mya had great hips and Kelly had another first-class dance. Bruno tells Macy she had better timing, Melissa had fun, Mya had great foot placement and Kelly was unbelievably good. Carrie Ann wants Macy to work a little bit harder, thought Melissa came out of her shell, Mya was crisp and Kelly had great legwork. They cut to Sharon in the audience, and she looks so nervous. Rankings bottom to top: Macy, Melissa, Kelly and Mya. Figures. I think maybe if Kelly hadn't flubbed at the end she would have had the top score but that's just a big maybe.